Live

I wrote this a year ago after attending my first (and hopefully not my last) Pearl Jam concert. For some reason, I forgot to post it. What can I say? My short term memory sucks.

Here goes:

It took five months of meticulous planning, thirteen hours on a plane watching ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ three times (Gaah!), and an unmentionable amount of whining to get my ass here, outside the Sydney Acer Arena. In just a few minutes, the greatest live rock band in the world is going to blow my mind. Bring it on, I say.

We hurry inside, wading through the endless sea of Pearl Jam fans. The opening act, Kings of Leon are playing to a half empty stadium. Don’t get me wrong, they’re quite good. In food terms, I would say they’re kind of like banana fritters. Yummy when had alone. But not when followed by a big, fat, juicy steak, you know what I’m saying?
So they politely sing to a bunch of empty chairs and insist we’re the best crowd they’ve ever played for. Hello? Were you playing inside an elevator till now?

Suddenly, Eddie Vedder (gasp!) shows up during their last song and bangs two tambourines together. After which, the Kings of Leon make a hasty exit. Finally!
The lights come on, and during the next fifteen minutes, the stadium gets PACKED with all kinds of people. Right from the ten year olds to the 30 year olds to the white hair year olds.

And after an uncountable amount of Mexican waves (which was fun) and a couple of beach balls thrown around the stadium (which was funnier) the lights finally go off.
A scowling Vedder, armed with his guitar, makes his way on stage. (Ahhh that trademark scowl) He slowly begins to strum the first few chords of Better Man. And 20,000 voices start singing the first lines hopelessly out of tune, while he, you know, scowls.

“Waiting. Watching the clock it’s four o’clock it’s got to stop….”

And then, THE voice fills the stadium. While Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard, Mike McCready and Matt Cameron seamlessly join in.

The power packed Animal and Worldwide Suicide (my favourite song on the new album) heat things up, and perfectly sane people begin to thrash around like lobsters in a boiling pot. Corduroy gives way to Severed Hand (undoubtedly my favourite song on the new album) Given To Fly, Green Disease and I Am Mine are next.
By now, the crowd is insane. It doesn’t really help that everyone’s smashed. Especially Mr. Vedder. Who takes time out to make out with his wine bottle every now and then. (This might be a good time to point out that the Acer Arena is well equipped with 11 bars. And I’m not talking about the ones you can hum.)

In between sips, Vedder starts talking about a homeless man named Ben. An earthquake erupts at the word ‘homeless’. It’s time for Even Flow.

‘Freezing. Rests his head on a pillow made of concrete.’

The entire crowd is head banging so hard, it’s a wonder there aren’t any decapitated skulls rolling around. Towards the middle of the song, Matt Cameron launches into this brilliant, brilliant drum solo. You can hardly see his hands move. I’m still shocked an arm didn’t fly off and land on a hysterical fan’s lap.
Meanwhile, Vedder decides the crowd isn’t drunk enough for his liking and proceeds to top up the glasses in the front row with his wine bottle.

The solo ends to a thundering applause and Vedder takes over again, furiously belting out the last chorus to end the song. I don’t know what that man is on, but I sure want some of it.
They play Marker in the Sand and Gone (definitely my fav songs on the new album) And after that…

‘You guys ready…
Alone… Listless... Breakfast table in an otherwise empty room…’

…It’s time for Daughter. Which ends with an unexpected chorus of Midnight Oil’s Beds are burning.

Griveance, Comatose (my favourite song on the new album) and the classic Rearviewmirror are up next. I think I just died and went to rock heaven. Ahhhh….what a way to go.

The lights come on as the band staggers off stage. Followed by the longest five minutes of my life. Come back quick, you guys, am not getting any younger.

It’s time for the first encore. A visibly drunk Vedder is back. This time, he introduces us to his good friend, Luke the Ukulele. I don’t know how high you have to be to say ‘Hey Luke, how’s it hanging?’ But the bunch of fans behind me were up to the mark.

The first encore line up is as follows. Soon Forget, Inside Job (fav song. New album. You know the drill)

Hearts and thoughts they fade away… ah yes, the superb Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town begins.

And then they play Last Kiss. Mmmmmmm….gimme a minute….mmmmmm…what wouldn’t I give to spread him on a cracker…

The song ends. And then it happens. Fifty nuclear bombs explode. 10,000 lightening bolts strike. 20,000 voices reach all time high pitch. The first chords to Alive are played.

“Son….she said….Have I got a little story for you…what you thought was your daddy…was nothing but a…”

Poor Vedder doesn’t stand a chance, as the crowd screams its drunken little heart out. There are no words to define the experience of listening to Alive live. Mike McCready and Stone Gossard were frigging fantastic on the guitars! As for bassist Jeff Ament and Matt Cameron, really, I bow before thee…oh Gods of rock.

Time for another break. Me thinks they’re off to get energy injections up their butts. No way can a bunch of 40 year olds touring since April jump around on stage like that.

‘At home…drawing pictures of mountain tops…with him on top’

Jeremy has spoken. As the band plays, a bunch of drunken boys are sobbing their eyes out as they hold on to each other for dear life…down boys, relax, it’s only a song…will console you once I stop having this epilepsy fit, ok?

The turbo charged Lukin and Do the evolution follows. As the man howls away, I wonder if he was born with an extra set of vocal chords by any chance? Mine, by now, are irreversibly damaged. Ah hell, don’t think I’ll really need them after tonight.

In true Vedder style, he does take time out occasionally to preach a little about his political ideology. Well, he could read out the yellow pages loudly and I’ll still be vigorously nodding my head in full support.

I Got You and Smile are up next. With Vedder on the harmonica (oh lucky, lucky harmonica)…hey you know…I play one too…well, I own one…wait, I think I lost it. But I still have the box it came in, does that count?

Suddenly, all the lights come on…and the band does a phenomenal cover of Neil Young’s Rocking in the free world.

Vedder even calls a 12 year old-ish boy on stage and gives him one of the tambourines to pound on. The poor boy barely has time to register the fact that he’s on stage when Vedder scoops him up, puts him on his shoulders and maniacally runs around on stage for a good two minutes. Listen carefully little boy, after this, everything in life will be a disappointment. EVERYTHING.

The beautiful Yellow Ledbetter is the last and final song. It’s over. The band does one last bow and they’re off.

I quietly bury my vocal chords under my seat and limp back home.

Wait a minute, did I just see Pearl Jam Live?????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!