No Assembly Required
It started out like any ordinary day. When suddenly, my brain began to furiously pound against my skull. Desperately seeking a hole (ooohhhh found it) and ran off screaming hysterically.
My boss just called a meeting.
Doom. Dooooooooooooom. There go three hours of my life. Three hours that, at the end of it, will seem more like three decades worth of hour glasses have been flipped over. Damn. I didn’t even bring my nail file to work today. Guess that means I’m stuck counting my toe nails again.
And so it starts. Blah blah blah…point number 1….(hehehehehe he said number one)…..we need to move on to the next level…take the creative leap….blah blah number two (hehehehehe stoppit you’re killing me) paradigm shift…macro vision….micro vision…x-ray vision…
We’ve heard it all before. But anal boss insists on repeating it just one more time. Possibly to see how long he can drone on for till someone finally cracks, jumps up on the table and tries to drown himself in a glass of water. And we have a winnnahhh…..
I mean, how brutally teased and abused as a child do you have to be, to subject six perfectly innocent copywriters (If you don’t count us sexually violating Myrtle the stuffed penguin with Bruce the inflated whale and filming it all on tape) to such a perverse kind of torture.
How blind do you have to be to not see the dull, glazed eyes and growing puddles of drool on the floor?
My brain deprived boss, however is oblivious. He animatedly launches into a tirade of forceful gestures and a passionately dull (yes, yes, there is such a thing) speech.
Oh crap…why is he looking at me…look somewhere else…quick no no …don’t make eye contact…yikes…too late.
“Yes, Diana...what do you think?”
Quick…think of a suitably safe answer….
Er…pink nail polish should be abolished? Someday sushi will replace sex? I was a tea pot in my previous life which explains my rather generous behind?
What in God’s name is he talking about?
Dear God, kindly grant me the power to surreptitiously evaporate into thin air and sneak out through a crack in the door. That’ll be all. Thank you. Oh and throw in a nice golden tan too while you’re at it.
His head is bobbing up and down violently….maybe I should just say yes before I get hypnotized and start singing hymns laden with sexual innuendos.
‘Er…yyyyyes?’
BAAM. He violently slams the table in ecstasy. “There you go…that’s the spirit…blah blah blah”
Oh goody…does this mean I get a raise…or better still…a nail file?
My boss just called a meeting.
Doom. Dooooooooooooom. There go three hours of my life. Three hours that, at the end of it, will seem more like three decades worth of hour glasses have been flipped over. Damn. I didn’t even bring my nail file to work today. Guess that means I’m stuck counting my toe nails again.
And so it starts. Blah blah blah…point number 1….(hehehehehe he said number one)…..we need to move on to the next level…take the creative leap….blah blah number two (hehehehehe stoppit you’re killing me) paradigm shift…macro vision….micro vision…x-ray vision…
We’ve heard it all before. But anal boss insists on repeating it just one more time. Possibly to see how long he can drone on for till someone finally cracks, jumps up on the table and tries to drown himself in a glass of water. And we have a winnnahhh…..
I mean, how brutally teased and abused as a child do you have to be, to subject six perfectly innocent copywriters (If you don’t count us sexually violating Myrtle the stuffed penguin with Bruce the inflated whale and filming it all on tape) to such a perverse kind of torture.
How blind do you have to be to not see the dull, glazed eyes and growing puddles of drool on the floor?
My brain deprived boss, however is oblivious. He animatedly launches into a tirade of forceful gestures and a passionately dull (yes, yes, there is such a thing) speech.
Oh crap…why is he looking at me…look somewhere else…quick no no …don’t make eye contact…yikes…too late.
“Yes, Diana...what do you think?”
Quick…think of a suitably safe answer….
Er…pink nail polish should be abolished? Someday sushi will replace sex? I was a tea pot in my previous life which explains my rather generous behind?
What in God’s name is he talking about?
Dear God, kindly grant me the power to surreptitiously evaporate into thin air and sneak out through a crack in the door. That’ll be all. Thank you. Oh and throw in a nice golden tan too while you’re at it.
His head is bobbing up and down violently….maybe I should just say yes before I get hypnotized and start singing hymns laden with sexual innuendos.
‘Er…yyyyyes?’
BAAM. He violently slams the table in ecstasy. “There you go…that’s the spirit…blah blah blah”
Oh goody…does this mean I get a raise…or better still…a nail file?
posted by Diana Kotwal at
Friday, October 13, 2006
5 Comments:
hehehheehhe... i think i will cut and paste this link and send it to the pot head who work under!
(what say??)
Funny! Heheee... miss those days. Use to make me appreciate the finer things in life.
Like having a life.
oh wait..aren't you teh girl who's never had a single cute boss??
hehhe yea you are..
just a reminder...muffy is as hot as ever!
hehheh
This the only obsession of Diana that i know of - BOB, BoB, bOb and Bob. HAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAA (devilish laugh). Dont get that topic started she wont stop talking about bob.
Hey you! Your posts really cracked me up! So there! One more score for you! :D - Shweta
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home