Not with 'it' anymore

I don’t wear make-up these days. I scratch my chin and eyes way too many times.

My moisturizer is for practical purposes only. You know, to avoid the cracks in my heels from widening.

I hate nightclubs that play loud and annoying thumping music. And the very thought of fitting my ass into a two-sizes-too-small skirt and my feet into a Chinese torture device some insist on calling stilettos is Freddy Krueger-ripping-your-heart-while-he’s-making-those-weird-noises scary.

Plus I’d rather read a good book.

These ‘kids today’ listen to what can only be called electronically manufactured crap. Why in my time, we listened to real music. Sigh. I miss grunge.

Come to think of it, I listen to bands where the collective age of all members is too embarrassing to reveal.

Fashion for me is something that's loose, airy and doesn't make me scratch myself in weird places.

I don’t understand Ashton Kutcher. I feel like walking up to him and saying, “Hey kid, get a haircut.”

I like going to bed at a respectable hour. Or around the time I pass out watching TV. Which ever comes first.

Big capitalistic corporations no longer aim all their advertising at me.

I'm just two beers away from shaking my fist at 19-year-olds and shouting 'You stupid kids...get out of my way'.

Seriously, I think the younger generation is going to the dogs. Why in my time…

Exercising was never this tough. Every time I reach down to touch my toes, I realize it’s really not worth coming all the way up since I’ll be back down here anyways.

So I’ve made my peace with all my body parts that are having a torrid affair with gravity.

The sad bit is, I’m only 27 years old.

Oops got to go. It’s bingo night at the community centre.